Ah, thank you Lou. That's a very good point about this being a big test of what we've got right and wrong. And interesting about the upsides and downsides of having one who stays in touch a lot. The Rumpelstiltskin tactic isn't comic exaggeration, I'm actually having to do it! I heartily recommend the film, would be interested to hear what you think. Hope your youngest settles happily soon - leaving home is one thing, leaving home to attend a massive community full of thousands of similar-age people is something else again, and doing all of that after the Covid Years must be a proper head-masher.
There is so much I would like to say about this but probably won’t as I can’t quite get my thoughts in order. It’s a wonderful piece to which, as a mother who has also just sent all three children off to uni, two of them for the first time, I can certainly relate.
For me, it’s not so much about empty nesting - I’m enjoying the quiet and the lack of dirty dishes! - but about the sudden inability to fix things should they go wrong. I so desperately want them all to succeed and this really is the measure of whether we’ve provided them with the tools to do so, the litmus test of effective parenting, I guess. My youngest has adopted a strategy of messaging me with every wobble (I’ve smashed a glass, the fire alarm has gone off, I’ve overslept, I’m too scared to leave my room and talk to people etc) so that his first week away left me in a state of semi-permanent dread. The up-side of this is that he is also making a point of telling me all the good stuff too to the extent that I think we are probably closer now than when he was living here but hiding upstairs in his room.
It’s early days but I do have hope that things will work out.
I’m going to seek out “Twentieth Century Women”. It sounds like a film I would enjoy. We all need a cinematic comfort blanket from time to time! Also, your use of “menopausal Rumpelstiltskin” really made me laugh. Thank you.
I kid you not, there is one single tear falling from my left eye as I type this comment. My oldest is not yet 11 and I already feel a tightness in my chest any time I notice things change between us, slowly and steadily.
Thank you for articulating that annoyance with "adult children" in movies...I feel like Bill Murray's character in Rushmore is the only one of these I ever really liked. Maybe because the film full-on calls him out for his childishness, and because of how genuinely comical it is.
I remember getting so sick of people saying "Better enjoy it now because your life is about to be over!" when I was pregnant. I hate those types of platitudes. And I think a big part of my life was actually just beginning at that time. How lucky I've been.
Ah, thank you Lou. That's a very good point about this being a big test of what we've got right and wrong. And interesting about the upsides and downsides of having one who stays in touch a lot. The Rumpelstiltskin tactic isn't comic exaggeration, I'm actually having to do it! I heartily recommend the film, would be interested to hear what you think. Hope your youngest settles happily soon - leaving home is one thing, leaving home to attend a massive community full of thousands of similar-age people is something else again, and doing all of that after the Covid Years must be a proper head-masher.
There is so much I would like to say about this but probably won’t as I can’t quite get my thoughts in order. It’s a wonderful piece to which, as a mother who has also just sent all three children off to uni, two of them for the first time, I can certainly relate.
For me, it’s not so much about empty nesting - I’m enjoying the quiet and the lack of dirty dishes! - but about the sudden inability to fix things should they go wrong. I so desperately want them all to succeed and this really is the measure of whether we’ve provided them with the tools to do so, the litmus test of effective parenting, I guess. My youngest has adopted a strategy of messaging me with every wobble (I’ve smashed a glass, the fire alarm has gone off, I’ve overslept, I’m too scared to leave my room and talk to people etc) so that his first week away left me in a state of semi-permanent dread. The up-side of this is that he is also making a point of telling me all the good stuff too to the extent that I think we are probably closer now than when he was living here but hiding upstairs in his room.
It’s early days but I do have hope that things will work out.
I’m going to seek out “Twentieth Century Women”. It sounds like a film I would enjoy. We all need a cinematic comfort blanket from time to time! Also, your use of “menopausal Rumpelstiltskin” really made me laugh. Thank you.
I kid you not, there is one single tear falling from my left eye as I type this comment. My oldest is not yet 11 and I already feel a tightness in my chest any time I notice things change between us, slowly and steadily.
Thank you for articulating that annoyance with "adult children" in movies...I feel like Bill Murray's character in Rushmore is the only one of these I ever really liked. Maybe because the film full-on calls him out for his childishness, and because of how genuinely comical it is.
I remember getting so sick of people saying "Better enjoy it now because your life is about to be over!" when I was pregnant. I hate those types of platitudes. And I think a big part of my life was actually just beginning at that time. How lucky I've been.
Thank you Tess. Don't cry, you've got ages yet!